Diet Coke
by KillerMay
Summary: A death note recreation of the ever popular Mad TV skit-Bon Qui Qui./ Matt gets a job at Queen Dairy One-Shot


**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or Bon Qui Qui, they belong to their respectful owners.**

"No, I will _hack_ his computer. Yes, I will, Near, yes I will." A young boy said into a cell phone. "Like, remember that time he said he didn't kill that guy-and then I had found out he did? I _hacked_ that computer. And then he was all confused!"

"Excuse me?" Someone from behind the counter at the Queen Dairy said. The boy, who we'll now call 'Matt', looked over, pulling the phone from his head.

"Uh...Do you see me talking on the phone? Don't interrupt!" He said, then adding a small "Rude." He then put the phone back up to his ear. "Near-I'm going to have to call you back." Matt then turned back to the customer and sighed. "Welcome to Queen Dairy: Where we treat you right-but it's going to cost you."

"Umm...hi, yes," The customer began. She was in her mid-thirties (at least) with long brown hair...and she was kind of fat. She had no underlying expressions of deceit in her eyes...so Matt figured she wasn't some undercover agent...and-Oh, crap...she's saying her order! "with a cherry?"

".....," He stared at her before he pulled the microphone closer to say her order. "One diet coke. Next please."

"That wasn't my order!" She tried to tell him.

"Trust me-in the future, you'll thank me." He replied in a type of monotone. Another employ brought out the coke-and, with a glare, she handed him a few bucks and walked out of the fast food establishment. Next in line was a man with black hair, wearing a black suit. _Cop._ Matt labeled...._And not a very good one._ The man was smiling brightly.

"Can I get a chocolate mint chip hershy's Tundra?" He asked-though, with this being a fast food restaurant-it was technically an order. Matt once again grabbed the mic.

"One complicated Tundra ice cream thing." He said. One of the employees making the orders looked over at him. Noticing this through his yellow goggles, he clarifyed. "One diet coke." The customer's face fell.

"I...wanted a Tundra..." He said. Matt glanced at him.

Straightening out his black and red striped shirt, he replied. "No...you asked for one. I just said no....indirectly."

"But....I came here for a Tundra..." He said. Matt sighed.

"Security!" He yelled. A man in a police uniform stepped over. "This man needs to go! He needs to go!" The officer began pulling him away as the manager stepped into view.

"Matt....how many times to I have to tell you that you can't call security for a customer asking for what they ordered?" He asked. Matt just stared at him with bulb-like eyes.

"You know...I never wanted to be here," He replied. "No-I was _forced_ here! I barely leave the freaking house-so why in the _world_ would I want to come work at some stupid _Queen Dairy?"_ Before the manager could answer-he continued. "I'll tell you why-I wouldn't! I would much rather be sitting at home playng final fantasy on the play station and the DS _at the same time._ You know why? Because I can! I'd also rather be somewhere that didn't have some stupid 'No Smoking' policy! And you know what? I don't like taking 'orders'...unless they're fgrom Mello-but he pretty much owns me...No, I do things _my_ way! So. Back. Off!" The manager back away slowly from the red headed teen.

A new customer approached the counter. And-ohmigawd-it was pop idol Misa Amane! The blond girl adorned in the goth loli style smiled at Matt and then...."What the least fattening thing you have on the menu?" Now, unlike countless fans pulled around the counter-gaming-centered Matt had never payed much attention to pop idols. Sure, he knew who Misa-Misa was. He knew what she looked like. But he didn't care.

"I don't know," He answered. "Diet coke?" Misa just smiled wider.

"Okay-I'll have that!" She said in her most bubbly voice. For the tenth time that day Matt pulled the microphone towards him.

And for the tenth time that day he said "One diet coke."

* * *

"Did you learn anything from your day at work, Matt?" Roger asked as the gamer came through the Wammy's door.

"Yeah...A lot of people order diet coke."

**Well, I hope you enjoyed that. It's supposed to be a recreation of 'Bon Qui Qui', I hope you at least laughed a little...I personally can't stand diet coke or regular coke, but that's just me....Crazy little Matt....R&Rplease**


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